the beginning

anyways, feeling a bit sad, fat, unloved and ugly only coz i've been thru so much shit here, heaps of problems.....the partying has been great but....my new years was fantastic......im prety happy ay.... im into someone....his name is fred, new guy in town, half american, half hawaiin, actually my age!!! and he's different....my feeligns have sort of lessened for him since he has left to another island for a couple of weeks and since i haven't seen him since new years, it's like mmm...can't see you, so don't know how i feel. it took us two months (can u believe it) to finally kiss. so it's sorta weird, knowing its based on how we feel about each other, not sexually motivated.....queer......he's great man, really smart, funny, tough, good dancer, deep, likes books and quotes like me, weird looking but handsome, just different......he's fought for me and is always protecting me and trying to look out for me, i just feel safe with him. and i dunno.....i dont wanna talk about it too much coz it's a new experience, but its not some pathetic teen fling thing......had heaps of problems in the beginning but…..