not coping

partied with mikayla last night, shit party but it was good to hang with nik. nina has offically dogged me, its unforgivable and everyone else now thinks she is a tool becasue she makes them all feel like loser because shes 18 and they arent. went to big day out, time of my fucking life, met so many great people and shit. also had people over for australia day, i got so fucked it was the best ever. whats the go with your visa and shit? i think im getting fired becasue i rang in sick the morning after australia day and told my boss i was in hospital with damien becasue i was still pingin about the insane cock brothas and couldnt go to work and then mark went down to work and darren was like of hows christinatina? fuckkkkkkk! i have also stooped to a new level, i am selling my jewlwery at cash converters for drugs. oh and i fucked elih (damiens friend) again.

being 18

Life being 18 is sooooo awesome. I m having a blast clubbing, betting, playing the pokies and buying my own alcohol. Only down side is it has fattened me up and taken my money away. haha My love life is alright... A good friend from melbourne came up to queensland for 2 weeks. We spent just over a week at mools, pretty much clubbing everynight and then spent 2 nights down the coast by ourselves to go to magic millions (the big race day). Kinda got close both mentally and phyiscally.... but he has gone back now...probs got attacthed too much but we'll see what happens. Just missing the company and all the snuggling and everything.. He was good because I actually felt myself around him and I had soooo much fun clubbing and on the beach with him.

the beginning

anyways, feeling a bit sad, fat, unloved and ugly only coz i've been thru so much shit here, heaps of problems.....the partying has been great but....my new years was fantastic......im prety happy ay.... im into someone....his name is fred, new guy in town, half american, half hawaiin, actually my age!!! and he's different....my feeligns have sort of lessened for him since he has left to another island for a couple of weeks and since i haven't seen him since new years, it's like mmm...can't see you, so don't know how i feel. it took us two months (can u believe it) to finally kiss. so it's sorta weird, knowing its based on how we feel about each other, not sexually motivated.....queer......he's great man, really smart, funny, tough, good dancer, deep, likes books and quotes like me, weird looking but handsome, just different......he's fought for me and is always protecting me and trying to look out for me, i just feel safe with him. and i dunno.....i dont wanna talk about it too much coz it's a new experience, but its not some pathetic teen fling thing......had heaps of problems in the beginning but…..